The horrible thing I did to protect my son

Bam will be 10 in January. He is the sweetest, kindest person I know. My husband worries that our jacked up world is going to chew him up and spit him out. The only thing I worry about are the women who may try to take advantage of him someday (I swear, I will cut a bitch). But I refuse to "toughen" him up. Truly kind people are in short supply and I will do everything in my power to nuture his kindness.

He is the child who will point out an injustice on the playground (but he does not tattle). The boy who will make sure everyone is included. The kid who, when I held a job last year, asked if I was working so we could give more money to the poor. He tells his teenage sister that he loves her every night before bed. 

Bam has ADD. When he was going to therapy, he was also diagnosed with anxiety and depression (I had assumed the ADD and anxiety, the depression took me by surprise). We don't medicate him. So far his teachers have been supportive, possibly because he doesn't have the hyperactivity part so he isn't necessarily driving them batshit crazy. He has a lot of tics. Weird little movements he does without knowing it. Mostly with his face. Sucking sounds with his mouth, wrinkling his nose, etc. In second grade he was diagnosed with a fine motor skill delay. He was put into speech (I always just thought he sounded cute but is apparently missing sounds from his alphabet). He couldn't tie his own shoes until he was 9 (I still have to help him sometimes). On good days we can read his writing, on bad days it looks like a toddler's.

He obsesses. Mostly over ideas or things. It started at 2 with Toy Story. Then Super Mario Bros. (specifically, Luigi). Most of his after school time in second grade was spent in a Luigi costume. We've dealt with the Minecraft obsession for over 2 years now. We have now added a Doctor Who obsession (he wore a bowtie and carried a Sonic Screwdriver for quite a while). Oh, and zombies and the zombie apocalypse. He has a plan for our survival and I hear about it daily. Throughout all of these he has maintained a Lego obsession, his other obsessions dictate what he builds.

So, to get to what I alluded to in the title of this post, he announced a new obsession a couple of nights ago. Hubby and I were hanging out when he asked if he could watch Netflix. I asked him what he wanted to watch and he enthusiastically answered, "My Little Pony. I'm a Brony!!" Without thinking, hubby hollered back, "The hell you are!" Bam was confused for a minute, hubby got all worked up babbling about crazy grown men doing disgusting things while watching a children's cartoon. I cut him off, told him to hold it for a minute and told Bam to go ahead and watch MLP. 

I calmed hubby down and assured him that our son would not grow up to be a pervert. The next morning Bam asked to watch MLP while eating breakfast before school. I told him yes then sat down next to him. I took his hand and asked him to look at me (he has trouble making eye contact). 

Then I did something I thought was awful. 

I said, "Sweetheart, I don't care if you're a Brony. You go ahead and enjoy MLP, but I need you to do something for me. Don't tell anyone at school. Don't let the other boys know you're a Brony."

He wanted to know why. 

I then told him about the little boy who got bullied so bad at school for being a Brony that he tried to kill himself. I told him that some people might not understand and I couldn't handle it if other kids were mean to him simply because he watched a "girls'" cartoon. 

For the first time in his life, I told him to hide something about himself. And I'm not proud of it. As a matter of fact, it's really eating me up (I do the obsessing thing too, go figure). 

He said, "Sure mom, I'll just watch it and not talk about it at school. That little boy really tried to kill himself? That's so sad, I hope he's ok now."

We had talked about suicide before so we didn't get into it again. He turned back to the tv and his cereal. After awhile he said, "You know, this cartoon has a really good message about friendship."

God I love this kid. Like a love so deep it makes my heart ache. The thought of someone hurting him enrages me.  

Last week a kid called him weird. Bam laughed and told the kid, "Weird is fun!" They're now becoming friends. I think Bam could befriend Attila the Hun. 

Is what I did as bad as I feel it is? I only wanted to protect him. I could care less if he likes MLP. But if someone picks on him because of it, I will throw down on the school grounds. A friend told me that because I explained to him why, it wasn't bad. 

Have you done something to protect your children that went against how you normally try to parent? I was never encouraged in my passions as a kid so I'm usually my kids' biggest cheerleader, getting caught up in the obsession right along with them. 

Knowing Bam though, he'll be over it in a week or two and back to planning our zombie apocalypse survival.