I had the meanest parents ever. Like, they made me do chores and get good grades and *gasp* eat what was put in front of me. When I was about 10, my younger brothers weren't doing well in school so my mean-o dad threw out the TV. I don't remember EVER having dessert after dinner (there was the occasional trip for an ice cream cone but I don't remember those things ever having a place in our kitchen). The only cereals I remember are Cheerios, Rice Krispies, and Corn Chex (I do, however, remember Count Chocula, Franken-Berry, and Boo-Berry around Halloween). I had ONE Lego set growing up (still have it but it's been absorbed by the 1000's that my children own) and a handful of Barbies (although I did have the Barbie mansion and silver corvette-best Christmas EVER). I had ONE Strawberry Shortcake doll (still have her, she is/was so lonely). However, I did have all the books and drawing paper I wanted, and about a gazillion stuffed animals. I don't remember ever having to be told to do my homework because I just knew if I didn't there would be hell to pay.
When I became a mom at the ripe ol' age of 18, I swore I would never be a mean parent.
Sadly, it took until I was a 40 year old grandmother to realize that none of the things mentioned above were what made my parents mean. We really were one helluva dysfunctional family, but not because of the reasons I thought all those years ago. We're still dysfunctional, I have zero relationship with my brothers (I even have one of them and their baby-momma blocked on Facebook) and one that's barely beyond the occasional "Happy Birthday" and "Merry Christmas" with my mother. My dad and I are ok now that we've both grown up a bit. Yes, it's sad and I might regret it someday, but I spent many years eaten up by it and decided it just wasn't worth the one-sided effort anymore. I'm a firm believer that blood does not make family and I've moved past it.
Anywho, I believe that qualifies as digression...
I love my children dearly, and they really are good kids, but they are lazy with a capital L. The 21 year old has flown the coop with her own daughter, the ones at home are 9 and 12. We've never established chores for them, I only buy sugar cereals (ok, not ONLY because the 9 year old's favorite is special K), they have enough toys for 20 kids (and a path from their door to their bed), they're horrified if there isn't something for dessert, and every bedroom in the house has it's own TV, video game console and DVD player. Now before you go saying "what spoiled brats!", let me reiterate-they are good kids. They don't talk back (the eldest did/does but now that she's an adult I just tell her to shut the hell up), they argue very rarely and I can count on one hand the number of times one has hit or otherwise physically accosted the other, they do decent in school. They really are sweet kids, kind and giving, and good friends. HOWEVER, I have had enough of doing EVERY SINGLE THING around this house. I just can't keep up. And having worked for the past year and a half with a lot of young people who have absolutely no work ethic, I am now realizing the error of my parenting ways.
Something's gotta change. Something IS going to change. I can't barrel into it headfirst and without thought or I will fizzle and not stick with it. My plan is to sit down with them and come up with chores that are appropriate for their ages. Then we'll discuss an allowance of sorts. Then I'll hit up Pinterest for a fun "chore chart". Any parents with known, working systems, I welcome and value your input.
But first, I'm going to go clean the kitchen.
I'm a perfectionist with clutter issues, who may or may not have ADD and just a touch of OCD. This is my journey to find myself amongst the clutter (and maybe some peace for my family along the way). I'd write in a paper journal, but I can't find my pen.
Sometimes you just got to freak out sometimes. No one wants to admit their children are spoiled, I do, but I am different fish in the pond, more like a frog actually... I have been known to flip my cool when after what feels like weeks of cleaning, trying to organize, laundry, dishes.... oh my gosh, the list is never ending... to finally get it nice and looking clean on the surface at least... to turn around the next day to find piles of laundry and a sink full of dishes, I lose my shit! And I have three boys over the age of five and a baby boy who is only 8 months.They are more then capable of helping especially the older two who are 11 and 8.. hey even have chores.. a chart... I even went as far as to come up with a reward system! But I tend to get the most out of them when I freak the freak out! All of a sudden the oldest will be washing dishes and the 8 year old will be collecting the recycling and the five year old is picking up the tornado of toy destruction around the house! One day I even brought a outside garbage can into their rooms, when I almost died trying to put laundry away! That day they cleaned their room so well, that you could eat off the floors. when we do it, all the time, I think they get complacent. I am pretty sure they start to expect the world to stay neat, dishes washed, laundry folded.... until mom loses it, goes on strike and they are eating cereal straight out of the box and their underwear is stiff from being unwashed... its going to go unseen... try the charts... build the incentive and from one mom to another, good luck!!!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the reply Gretchen! I am a screamer with a horrible temper. My children don't really know this because I fight on a daily basis to not be. I'm thinking I need to learn to let just a little bit of it out though lol
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